From The End of Death, Volume Two
Copyright 2017 Nouk Sanchez
Listen to the AUDIO VERSION here
We would not, or more precisely, we could not be in special conditional relationships unless we unknowingly seek to re-enact the unhealed patterns of previous special relationships. If we had completely forgiven our past relationships we would be repulsed by any special relationship offer in either the present or the future.
Let me be specific. Special relationships only “seem” to be with a significant other. Yet the poison of these unions does not reside in the person or our self but in the way we’ve unwittingly agreed to “relate” to them and use them. It’s always the destructive and often unconscious identification based on past relating, which requires complete undoing in order to reveal the shining spirit or Essence of the one we relate with.
The primary special relationship that seems to haunt us the most and influences all relationships after it is our special relationship with our parents, caretakers and siblings.
The key to healing – including physical healing – rests in healing our special relationships. And the reason for this is that the seed of present sickness is always some kind of un-forgiveness which seems to materialize now; but is really kept embedded in some past event or relationship in our mind.
The ego perpetuates the seeming injustice by projecting this past “lack of Love” and overlays it upon the present moment so that it continues into the future. Unless we forgive the belief that we have been unfairly treated, then the pain or illness will carry on – although it may morph into different forms of adversity that appear to be unrelated.
We enshroud our present special relationships in a cloud of the past, one that completely obscures the glory of the one we think we’re relating with. We see them through a filter of our own un-forgiven pain and therefore, do not see them at all.
All special relationships have a secret goal. We mistakenly believe that they can give to us that which we were deprived of in the past. We consistently seek to extract from others what we our self feel was missing in our past. And for this we are prepared to sacrifice our self to conflict, loss, disease, pain, aging, scarcity and death.
In trying to extract from present relationships, that which we are convinced we were and are currently deprived of, there is a dangerous oversight made. Until it has been seen and forgiven, we will believe unconsciously that the cause of our current feelings of deprivation and conflict lies in the past. However unwittingly, we project that un-forgiven past onto the person or people we are presently in relationship with.
For example, my childhood wound lay with trying to please my mother in order to be seen, validated, approved and loved. In my earlier adult special relationships, I projected this past un-forgiven “need to be seen and loved” onto those people. The outcome was that they played out my projected fears – expectations of disapproval and betrayal all based on my past. In those relationships I was unaware that I had mistakenly and repeatedly attempted to remove past suffering. And in doing this I completely overlooked the present moment and the innocence of those I was with. I was trying to extract from them what I had believed I was deprived of in my childhood. Does this pattern ring any bells?
It should ring bells if we feel any resentment or lack in our relationships. These are warning signs to alert us that we’re still trying to extract from those present something we believe was missing in our past.
Please stay with me as this next insight is extremely valuable because it offers a crucial peek into releasing our secret attraction to pain in all its forms.
In the ego mind the past seemed to cause the present. And in this entirely un-investigated and mistaken assumption, we hold fast to another deeply defended and disastrous conclusion. Erroneously we bury both the cause of suffering in our relationships and the body, along with its remedy (healing) – in the past. But the past does not exist. If it does not exist, then how could there be a cause in it?
We attempt to find solutions in the present yet these are smokescreens. While we firmly believe we were indeed unfairly treated and that it was real then all solutions we seek will merely be band-aid measures which serve to divert our attention from recognizing and healing the singular cause as un-forgiveness.
And that cause together with its healing are now in the ever-present Holy Instant, not hidden in someone else, in the body or in the past. The cause, together with its effects, is here and now. There is no other time and no other place in which it can be healed.
“The special relationship takes vengeance on the past. By seeking to remove suffering in the past, it overlooks the present in its preoccupation with the past and its total commitment to it. No special relationship is experienced in the present. Shades of the past envelop it, and make it what it is. It has no meaning in the present, and if it means nothing now, it cannot have any real meaning at all.” T-16.VII.2:1-5
And here is the kicker. While we mistakenly believe the cause of any relationship conflict, pain or disease is in the past then we will believe unconsciously that healing also lies firmly entrenched in the past – which removes any possibility of healing now. And if the past does not exist then the secret healing we seek in the past – will never happen! This insanity ensures we will never heal the cause and its effects.
The cause of all suffering, pain, disease or scarcity is now and never in another or in the past. Nor is the cause in equally illusory sources such as the body or the world. Now is the only place it can be healed. When we believe there is a past cause for what appears to be a present condition we are holding the past against healing in the present, in the Holy Instant.
“No change can be made in the present if its cause is past. Only the past is held in memory as you make use of it, and so it is a way to hold the past against the now.” T-28.I.6:6-7
NOTE: Here are “The Seven Essential Principles of Quantum Forgiveness”: https://nouksanchez.com/nouks-blog/the-seven-essential-principles-in-quantum-forgiveness/
The ego refuses to accept that all seeming conflict and deprivation together with their complete healing resides exclusively right here and now. Now, in the precious Holy Instant of forgiveness is where all healing takes place. If we look to the past or future for healing we deny healing now.
Let me make this clearer by giving an example. If as an adult, I still believe I was hurt in the past by someone (sexual abuse as a child for example), then I will carry that memory of abuse into my present reality and relationships. And because it is un-forgiven it will still lurk as a darkened shroud from which I look out and see others and the world.
All my relationships will be experienced through this distortion. In addition, I will have buried this seemingly real (and un-forgiven) attack in my body by maintaining that it was indeed attacked. This un-forgiven injustice always finds a way to re-emerge as present proof of past attack.
This painful, un-relinquished memory will tempt me to perceive it over and over again in different forms such as relationship conflict, disease, aging, physical pain and death. And until I have forgiven myself and with gratitude, seen the miracle behind it – it will prolong my erroneous belief that I am guilty and are therefore deserving of punishment. All of this is to try to prove the impossible, that I can be attacked and that I am separate from Love itself. In addition, this belief will stand as a solid wall between me and the Love I long to experience in all my relationships.
Let me clarify further. How can I detect if this form of deprivation is still with me and has not been totally forgiven? I can tell by my reaction to it. Am I still triggered by the memory of it? If there are any residual emotional feelings then the past abuse or trauma is alive in my memory right now.
I will believe it is real. In a way, it is being lived out over and over by my present belief that it 1) was real, and 2) did damage me, and 3) that someone is guilty. By my belief in its reality it has not been forgiven. And so it is kept alive and running in my psyche and is projected onto others and the body.
“The ego’s plan is to have you see error clearly first, and then overlook it. Yet how can you overlook what you have made real? By seeing it clearly, you have made it real and [cannot] overlook it.” T-9.IV.4:4-6.
Yet no one can forgive a sin that he believes is real. T-27.II.2:4
“Understand that you do not respond to anything directly, but to your interpretation of it. Your interpretation thus becomes the justification for the response. That is why analyzing the motives of others is hazardous to you. If you decide that someone is really trying to attack you or desert you or enslave you, you will respond as if he had actually done so, having made his error real to you. To interpret error is to give it power, and having done this you will overlook truth.” T-12.I.1:4-8
Unless True forgiveness of myself has taken place, and until I have reached a place of gratitude for the healing I gained as a result of the seeming trauma… the ego will keep replaying it to keep me from accessing complete healing via the miracle in the Holy Instant. That way the ego overshadows every Holy Instant with the cruel past, so much so that I will not see people as they are. I will project my un-forgiven past and overlay it on them and will then resent them for it.
Some helpful examples of questions for radical self-inquiry: Have I looked at the illusion of past trauma or abuse with Holy Spirit? Have I asked Him to help me to divinely re-purpose what appears as a violation of a child’s rights? Have I asked Him to divinely re-purpose my relationship issues of betrayal or abandonment? Have I asked to see the miracle beneath this ugly “appearance?”
For me, in doing this with Holy Spirit I was then able to see from above the ego’s formidable battleground of existence. One of the first insights I received was that there are many lifetimes in the ego’s dream of time and space. A seeming victim in this lifetime could very well be a choice (made from guilt) that arose from having been a perpetrator in a previous incarnation.
Another valuable insight was that if I had experienced a “perfect” childhood free of conflict or abuse, I would have lounged in the complacency of trying to make the ego dream a happy one as most do. It takes massive G-force to catapult us out of the ego’s hypnotic birth, death and amnesia cycle. And unfortunately that catalyst is often through the pain of disillusionment with all facets of the ego dream.
Suffering is not bad if we decide to give it to Spirit to be re-purposed. Once forgiven and repurposed there is no reason to attract and repeat the pain again.
We don’t learn to distinguish the ego’s pain and pleasure cycle until we have experienced it. Then we decide we no longer want it. Until then there is a sleepy passivity when it comes to the idea of undoing our false-self concept and its destructive special relating.
The ego is obsessed with placing cause in the past and unless that seeming cause is seen first, then recognized as being now (not past), and forgiven right here and now, it continues to infect our present relationships.
“Do not underestimate the intensity of the ego’s drive for vengeance on the past. It is completely savage and completely insane. For the ego remembers everything you have done that has offended it, and seeks retribution of you. The fantasies it brings to its chosen relationships in which to act out its hate are fantasies of your destruction.” T-16.VII.3:1-4
The ego holds the past against us. When we let the past go via forgiveness now – the ego feels deprived of the punishment it is convinced we deserve. Our special relationships are the ego’s chief spawning ground to continue this belief that fear, guilt and Love can coexist. Yet it’s the ego seeking vengeance on a past that no longer exists. This is why it is so crucial to forgive all our relationships including those which seem to be over already and in the past. Unless these are completely forgiven now and with gratitude, they will pursue us into the illusory future. NOTE: Click here for Part Two of this series “Why the Body Suffers”
Here are two important tools:
NOTE: My bestselling book, The End of Death, is available in AUDIO BOOK, PAPERBACK & KINDLE. To download a free Chapter of the audio book and for more valuable tools and meditations, go to: www.EndOfDeath.com