From The End of Death, Volume Two
Copyright 2017 Nouk Sanchez
Listen to the AUDIO VERSION here
Love is total. Fear is total. Love and fear are mutually exclusive which means they cannot be experienced together. You have no doubt heard this over and over but let’s explore the dynamic of a typical special relationship without any self-judgment.
These are “up-close” relationships, with people we profess to love. We honor their birthdays, we try to make them feel special and we genuinely believe we care for them especially when they are sick or in need. We accept that sacrifice is an everyday part of all loving relationships. And we expect the ones we love will sacrifice for us just as we do for them when necessary.
We worry about them; we collude with them in sympathy when they feel victimized by others or the past and for the most part, we expect to be treated the same way. On the other hand, we feel openly hurt or even angry when they do something we don’t like or agree with. And our love can switch immediately to outright hatred if they cheat on us.
After all, this is “love” right? Wrong.
If we are to open our heart to the Holy Relationship then we must be willing to see that what we had believed was Love, was not even remotely close. We need to begin to recognize what real Love is not.
“Love is not learned. Its meaning lies within itself. And learning ends when you have recognized all it is [not.] That is the interference; that is what needs to be undone.” T-18.IX.12:1-4
This can be quite a slap in the face to the false self but it’s a necessary prerequisite to allow Holy Spirit to enter and to help us undo our blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence. Unless we are willing to see what Love is not we cannot possibly open to the Love we are. And we won’t be able to see others as Love either.
The term “fear” as the opposite of Love, includes all expressions of lack of Love such as anger, hate, resentment, mild irritation, rage, lack, loss, judgment, disease, emotional or physical pain, etc.
In one moment there appears to be Love which can just as easily turn to hate , particularly if there is an ego threat involved; take cheating on a partner for instance. Or let’s say our loved one forgot to take the trash out, a forgetful act that precipitated only mild resentment. The reaction to him/her not taking out the trash and the reaction to finding our partner has engaged in an extramarital affair are both classified as fear which is the absence of Love.
No Degrees of Love – No Degrees of Fear
Did you know that there are no degrees of fear despite the fact that we feel a multi-leveled scale of fear?
There are no degrees of fear just as there are no degrees of Love. Fear is hate because it is the total absence of Love. Remember that Love and fear are mutually exclusive. The presence of one denies the other outright. We cannot mix Love and fear. They cannot coexist. Yet our special relationships are riddled with exactly this attempt to comingle both Love and fear.
Even the smallest irritation signals the presence of fear and is therefore the full exclusion of Love in the moment it is believed. And if we are Love without opposite it must be the complete exclusion in our awareness of our most beloved and Holy Self; which we share with everyone.
There are no degrees of hate in the ego’s hierarchy of illusions. A mild resentment is the same as outright rage because these are expressions of the absence of Love. Therefore, if Love is total there can be no resentment. We are so heavily conditioned to blindly accept that Love involves fear that we don’t even question it.
If the single Truth of our being is God as Love without opposite and if this Love that we are is total and completely unopposed then “who” is the one that experiences relationship conflict?
Only a false-self can experience conflict with another. This question must be asked and answered. Eventually every one of us will not only ask it but will gladly undo the belief in a self that can be deprived and harmed.
The central breeding ground for keeping the ego front and center is its obsessive attraction to establishing special relationships. The ego cannot survive without them. The specialness dynamic in relationships is the ego’s life blood. It keeps it cycling through birth, suffering and death for thousands of lifetimes in the dream of separation. The attraction of special relationships is the ego’s chief weapon to keep us in amnesia, and to prolong the illusions of sin, guilt, fear, the body, time and death.
“The special love relationship is the ego’s chief weapon for keeping you from Heaven.” T-16.V.2:3
We choose our parents, our lessons before we incarnate. All of it is our choice. And no one can betray or abandon us unless we first have betrayed or abandoned our Holy Self.
As Jesus tells us:
“This is the only thing that you need do for vision, happiness, release from pain and the complete escape from sin, all to be given you. Say only this, but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:
I am responsible for what I see.
I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve.
And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” T-21.II.2.
Remember that the ego’s central wish, the one that ensures its continuation of separation, is the wish to be unfairly treated. That way it can project onto others what appears to be concrete evidence of betrayal, abandonment and victimization. It appears as if we have been victimized by others. Yet the singular cause as unconscious self-hatred (guilt), if not healed, continues to return to us through our projection onto others.
Only One of Us Here
Did you know that in every one of our relationships we are interacting exclusively with our own projection of self? The real questions then are: “Who” is in relationship with others, is it the ego or the Holy Self? And, “What is the relationship for?” “Is it to be right or is to close the gap (forgive)?” The answer to this second question will reveal just which “self” is in relationship with others.
If there is only one of us here as Jesus teaches in the Course, and if I think I am triggered by someone outside my self, then what is the singular purpose of being triggered? . My hidden wish to be triggered (unfairly treated) keeps me separate from Love, from God, from my Self. I am always triggered by unrecognized or denied self-attack which is projected outward. However, there is a powerful gift in being triggered. What is it and am I willing to receive it?
The person who triggered me is the divine messenger sent to help me finally recognize my self-condemnation and forgive myself so I can be free of suffering. But do we appreciate the enormity of this insight? Do we realize that we’ve most probably been caught in this dreadful cycle of self-attack for thousands if not millions of years? And do we realize with immense gratitude the gift of liberation we’ve been given by everyone that triggers us? As we forgive our self for having attracted self-attack, Love is returned to our awareness as “What” we are.
No matter what we seem to experience every interchange is either an outright expression of Love or it’s a call for Love. All attack is meant to be recognized as a “call for Love.” While it appears as attack by another it is always an expression of our own denied self-attack. And that is precisely why the only way it can be undone and healed is via forgiveness. We never forgive another. We forgive our self for having unknowingly used another to attack us. Here are The Seven Essential Principles of Quantum Forgiveness.
NOTE: My bestselling book, The End of Death, is available in AUDIO BOOK, PAPERBACK & KINDLE. To download a free Chapter of the audio book and for more valuable tools and meditations, go to: www.EndOfDeath.com