Desire to Understand?
Copyright 2014 Nouk Sanchez
When we’re concerned or anxious about someone or something, our immediate default is to want to “understand” it, we desire some kind of clarity with which to view the seeming problem in hopes to remedy it. Unfortunately the kind of understanding that is offered by the small self, will always be a judgment based on the ego’s self-perpetuating past. The ego’s need to understand is the unknowing urge to condemn in some form or another.
The ego’s desire to understand comes from its heavily disguised fear of Love, its outright rejection of our True Self as God’s all-encompassing Love, joy and healing. This false self’s attempts to understand will always lead us away from our Self, away from peace and forgiveness.
Its need to understand conceals its real motive. It wants us to consult “it” to solve all the seeming problems that it secretly manifests. That is its job; to keep the dream of suffering going. If we believe the problems it projects are REAL, then 1) we cannot forgive them, and 2) we will continue to seek its advice instead of going to Spirit within.
The need to understand is really the ego’s attempt to justify its fear paradigm. The mind’s search to find the cause or remedy of a seeming problem either in another, in the body, in a situation, in the world or in the past, is a diversion from the one necessary realization for healing.
If there’s an anxious desire to understand or to fix something then it arises from fear. If there is any fear, concern, sadness, anger or lack then the fundamental problem, the one real and unseen cause, is that we believe we’re separate from our Holy Self, the immediate and ever present Source of all Love and healing. So the true remedy then is always forgiveness regardless of what the seeming problem looks like.
There is no hierarchy of illusions. There is no more truth in one form of suffering than in any other no matter how life-threatening it may appear. There are no degrees of illusion; they are all untrue. This is why the miracle has no order of difficulty; it completely transcends and undoes illusions, and is 100% effective… when we genuinely believe in and accept it. The miracle immediately restores the true Cause of Love, joy and healing in our perception by overlooking (forgiving) the appearance of suffering.
The real question, whenever doubt or anxiety arises is, “Do I want to understand… or do I want peace? Only fear desires to understand. And nothing can be understood by the small self that doesn’t serve to substantiate its closed circuit fear paradigm. Its very foundation is a lie that cannot be understood. But when we willingly give over our desire to understand and decide for peace instead, we return to our Source.
We trade our frustrated desire to know for Spirit’s peace. Peace comes from prioritizing forgiveness. We learn to desire our mind be healed MORE than we want to change the seeming problem. This is the only way every problem’s singular cause can be undone.
If I am confused or I believe there is a problem, then I offer my confused or anxious state to Spirit in exchange for the miracle. It’s always my perception that requires healing because the seeming problem could not exist without my distorted evaluation of it.
Jesus tells us in the Course, “And it is recognized that all things must be first forgiven, and then understood.” (T.30.V.1:6) Of course! Forgiveness offers us God’s divine understanding beneath all seeming problems which is always healing. Once judgment is removed, all that remains is Love. Without the obstruction of the ego’s need to understand, we are now open to direct insight and inner vision.
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You know, I have an understanding of this and yet for me there is no answer from Spirit either. My body gets fatter and fatter where I am finding it difficult to do things everyone else takes for granted. A simple thing like walking to the mail box to check mail or going to the shops to buy something….too hard to do, where even washing the dishes and the body itself becomes difficult. I have tried dieting and exercise and I know they don’t work because as soon as one gives up dieting and exercise the weight comes back in double time and double the amount. I have sat in silence asking for guidance, forgiving myself for my own self loathing, done so much investigating and questioning and all the things we are supposed to do and nothing happens…I just keep getting fatter and less mobile. So yes, I want to fix this and to continually hear that God has me in hand and that I don’t know my own best interests etc doesn’t help or that I am projecting guilt onto my body. I want some answers, I want some help and yet none is forthcoming. And to be told to just keep forgiving because perhaps I am not ready for healing or whatever is just BS to me. I want all of those who say these things to become morbidly obese and then sprout the same things. So where do I go from here? No one, even Spirit it seems has an answer to that. Do I want to understand or do I want peace. I now want to understand because there is no peace as the body gets bigger and mobility becomes less.
Hi Kay, when we’re in the midst of a great physical/emotional challenge, it seems near impossible to see the light. I sense your anger, resentment and grief. The body itself has become such a central focus that it’s difficult to see past it. I also sense that you’re feeling VICTIMIZED by the body. This is exactly what the ego desires so you’ll give up and surrender to limitation, separation and death. I feel there’s some stuff from your past that you haven’t yet looked at (with Holy Spirit), someone or something that you have not forgiven completely. If you’re an A Course in Miracles student, and if you sincerely want to get to the CORE of this unconscious self-attack…then you might want to do some phone mentoring with Sparo. Here is the link; http://www.undoing-the-ego.org/mentoring-sparo.html
The bottom line though is this: Do you believe and feel that you are WORTH the effort to heal this unconscious desire for self-attack? If you’re not ready…that’s ok too.
In the meantime, I have joined with you and Spirit in healing this. When you’re ready, you will accept this healing. 🙂
Hi Kay and Nouk!
I was anxiously awaiting Nouk’s reply to you, Kay. I, too, am struggling with on-going physical illness. Even before Nouk replied, I joined with you, Kay – in my mind I sent you Love and healing thoughts. Maybe Nouk will help us both FINALLY reach that place where our acceptance of Love finally and forever overcomes our focus on fear! Love and gratitude to you both…
Denise
P.S. – Please join with me, too, Nouk! I will gratefully accept (and pay forward!) my healing as given by Spirit!
🙂
Hi Denise,
Absolutely! I am right there with you and Spirit in HEALING the one cause of this once and for all. The miracle doesn’t need to take time either…it’s only our fear of Love that makes it seem to take time. I accept full healing on behalf of you and Kay. In my acceptance, the miracle transfers immediately to you. I trust completely that you WILL RECEIVE/ACCEPT it. Remember? You ARE worthy of immediate and profound healing. It’s always there for you 🙂
Much Love,
Nouk
Wow this is so helpful thank you!
Tears are streaming down my face in appreciation of such love…thank-you from the bottom of my heart. There is a part of me that says I am worth the love and healing, a part that is standing up and saying I am DESERVING and yet there is a fear that this part of my mind will not be healed because I am a guilty sinner! My mind is still segregating parts of the mind (not seeing wholeness) and putting things in a hierarchy of illusions and an idea that salvation is earned and not already is. Thank you once again.
Hi Kay, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your courage to look at this and to open your heart to healing, to begin to allow your Self in. Unknowingly, we’re taught to abandon our Self and that is why we suffer from so many seemingly diverse problems…yet their cause is always the same. As you undo those old ego beliefs about you having to EARN your worth, your heart will open to RECEIVE the Love you’ve been yearning for. Below are some helpful excerpts if you feel guided to read them. You might want to do the fear of God exercise first: http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=517 Remember that I join with you in healing this once and for all…and so does Denise who left a message for you and I on this blog. My prayer is that you open to embrace your complete innocence and perfection; that you realize and accept how precious you are to God. When you begin to accept this Kay…you will literally help to heal the world of all its suffering. I trust you will and for this, I thank you.
Much Love,
Nouk. PS. Here are some excerpts below:
http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=534
http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=587
http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=367
http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=354
http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=607
http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=812
Oh my goodness Kay, please don’t give up. Keep forgiving and forgiving and forgiving. Be relentless with it! I have to continuously take the same self loathing and hatred that keeps coming up in me to Holy Spirit and lay it on the altar of forgiveness and this is what I say,” Father, Mother, God,I remember who I am. It is not your will for me to be feeling this way so I bring these feelings of self loathing and self hatred to the altar of forgiveness. I know these feelings come from my one decision to believe that I could be separate from your love so I bring this now to your Holy Spirit and say Holy Spirit, help me to forgive myself for using this decision to believe I could be separate from you to attack myself and keep me separated from your love as my holy self”
I too am joined with Nouk and Denise and you Kay, every time we do this forgiveness process we heal everyone. Don’t even think about it or try and understand, it will just keep you locked in your “head” space. I send healing from my Sacred Heart to your Sacred Heart Kay. Don’t give up. Remember who you are.
P.S. Eternal Love to you Nouk for this process which I now tell everyone to use if they want peace.
Thank you Jo! I’m sure Kay is getting this healing from the Divine JOINING we have on her behalf.
Much Love 🙂
Nouk
For me the difficult part of forgiveness is not the forgiveness but consulting with the Holy Spirit to find out what decision has been made by the ego in my mind that I have bought into and thus need forgiveness. If the unconscious decision is not brought to light forgiveness is not possible for me. What I do is gently but consistently consult with the HS until I feel a resonance within me that indicates the unholy decision has been determined. I then write out what I call a “Background” to the necessary forgiveness process. This ensures that the fullness of the unholy decision has been uncovered. For me the forgiveness part is the least effort in this process. Applying a modified version of the “Rules for Forgiveness” ACIM is the difficult part.
Hi Robert, thanks for your comment. I copied a piece from ACIM below. Also? You might want to read my excerpt in ACCEPTING THE ATONEMENT. Here it is…hope it helps some: http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=231 And here is a concise version as well: http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=753
FROM JESUS IN ACIM (T-5.VII.6.):
6. Decision cannot be difficult. 2 This is obvious, if you realize that you must already have decided not to be wholly joyous if that is how you feel. 3 Therefore, the first step in the undoing is to recognize that you actively decided wrongly, but can as actively decide otherwise. 4 Be very firm with yourself in this, and keep yourself fully aware that the undoing process, which does not come from you, is nevertheless within you because God placed it there. 5 Your part is merely to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made, and give it over to the Atonement in peace. 6 Say this to yourself as sincerely as you can, remembering that the Holy Spirit will respond fully to your slightest invitation:
7 I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.
8 I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.
9 I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.
10 I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.
11 I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me. 🙂
Oophs I meant “Rules For Decision” ACIM