Photo by Nouk Sanchez

 PART TWO

“The only aspect of time that is eternal is [now.]” T-5.III.6:5

I was one of many who never felt comfortable in my body. I was forever judging against this body for one reason or another. I secretly wished for escape from it, not knowing that I was unconsciously joining with the ego in willing my death. Much of my childhood and adulthood was spent outside myself. I had no clue who I was so I constructed the pseudo-identity my parents and peers seemed to want.

Nouk was certainly not acceptable as she was, so like nearly everyone on this planet, I made up a false identity. I accepted the world’s idea of child-rearing and education; specifically, learning how to form a more superior false-self (ego). 

At one point I was very much committed to boosting my terribly wounded self-esteem only to find out many years later that it was this false-self’s esteem that I had been investing so much time and effort improving! What a laugh. It’s so funny really, I didn’t like my body so I spent most of my time attempting to change it through dieting and exercise, etc. I didn’t realize back then that everything I did was done alone, without joining with Spirit. I (the Holy Self) was not present. It was all done with the ego! And what we do with the ego always results in sabotage.

When there was conflict or trauma (which was common), I would leave my body. It was such a habit that I inadvertently trained myself to hover outside myself most of the time, often in daydreams of the future or in fears of the past. Very rarely was I ever in the present moment. I do remember one Holy Instant where my guard had dropped and the memory of it has stayed with me vividly till now. I was fourteen years old. My parents took me on my first tropical island vacation to Heron Island, a gorgeous jeweled coral cay just off the coast of Queensland, Australia.

My father took me out to snorkel and dive the coral reef for the first time. He was an avid scuba diver. The moment I dropped under the turquoise water, my eyes feasted on the magnificent kaleidoscope of fish and coral. I was in Heaven! That moment the world stood still. I felt God’s presence in me, as me; as everything around me. I looked into my father’s eyes and I wept tears of joy inside my mask. A Holy Instant of magnificent gratitude. That Holy Instant lasted over an hour as, for the first time in many years, I welcomed myself back into my body.

We don’t realize it but each time we’re in fear, guilt, judgment or control, we abandon ourselves and our body. And I was in great judgment especially against myself. When we abandon ourselves, the ego moves in and takes over. Then time appears to control and abuse us. Our fear of being wholly present in the now moment causes so many of our problems. If we’re not present now, then how in the world can we expect to be healed?

For example common challenges such as sickness, excess weight and financial scarcity are not caused by disease, food or money. Unconscious guilt is the only cause of all these ‘appearances’ in our lives. Yet how many of us suffer from these ailments because we unknowingly abandon ourselves? And how many of us abandon ourselves because we just cannot stomach the guilt feelings that seem to surface when we stop and stay present without distractions? Yet this constant running from our Self is exactly how the ego preserves time and guilt.

“Guilt feelings are the preservers of time. They induce fears of retaliation or abandonment, and thus ensure that the future will be like the past. This is the ego’s continuity. It gives the ego a false sense of security by believing that you cannot escape from it. But you can and must. T-5.VI.2:1-5

Let’s take a common guilt issue, excess weight gain for instance. It couldn’t occur if we were wholly present in each moment, listening to Spirit. Instead we listen to the ego and we abandon our bodies while we eat. Often there is no one present while eating takes place; we leave ourselves in favor of distractions like TV, conversation, or mental daydreaming. So while we’re not present, then guilt does the eating. And we all know the results of guilt. Yet if we were to make a point of eating consciously with Spirit, then food could not appear to attack us. Through the ego we do use food to attack ourselves.

Let’s take financial scarcity as another example of this principle. While we abandon our Self to beliefs in scarcity then guilt manages our finances. And the result must be scarcity. Or how about disease? While we abandon our Self to beliefs in sickness then guilt plays havoc with the body.

Special relationships are another perfect example of how we abandon our Self (real Love) in favor of specialness (guilt and attack). While we expect another to meet our needs, we turn away from the only need we have; to join with Spirit within. When we abandon our Self through seeking ‘special love’ outside us, we leave guilt to run our relationships into the ground.

Time, food, relationships, money, sickness, and pain, etc. Whatever it maybe, the lesson is always to take our issue to Spirit and ask for our perception to be healed. The Holy Instant is where miracles await us. We need to come fully into the ‘now moment’ to do this; all healing is here, all healing is now. The question is, are you worth the effort?

“You can claim the holy instant any time and anywhere you want it. In your practice, try to give over every plan you have accepted for finding magnitude in littleness. [It is not there.] Use the holy instant only to recognize that you alone cannot know where it is, and can only deceive yourself.”T-1.IV.4:4-7

I am learning to give ‘time’ to the Holy Spirit and I do this by withdrawing personal agendas, judgments and expectations of myself and others. As the ego falls away, a new sense of Self emerges and this Holy Self would not use the body or time for self-attack. Its purpose is to employ the body and time to fulfill the endless joy of doing God’s Will here in this dream.

Prayer for Healing the Concept of Time

“Spirit, teach me what time is for.

I have used it to separate myself from Love and unending joy.

You know my heart’s deepest desire beneath the ego’s will to survive. I no longer wish only to survive; I will to Live fully through your Love, through the Love that I AM.

You know my heart’s deepest desire. I join in Love to receive what you have already given me. In Loving thanks, Amen.”

***

As the previously fixed illusion of time fades rapidly within my hierarchy of illusions, I am met by a truly astounding experience. Jesus’ first Miracle Principle blazes its way into my presence. “There is no order of difficulty in miracles.” No, of course not. There is NO order of difficulty in miracles once we willingly relinquish our hierarchy of illusions and our personal agendas. Instead we live in the present moment having boldly invited Spirit in to reveal the Truth of Who we are.

” If you accept your function in the world of time as one of healing, you will emphasize only the aspect of time in which healing can occur. Healing cannot be accomplished in the past. It must be accomplished in the present to release the future.” T-13.IV.9:2-4

“Time is your friend, if you leave it to the Holy Spirit to use. He needs but very little to restore God’s whole power to you. He Who transcends time for you understands what time is for.” T-15.I.15:1-3

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