Copyright 2016 Nouk Sanchez
Reluctance to Heal
You are True Innocence as the Christ, whole and complete. True Innocence is divine because it sees no sin, no guilt and no fear; it is unopposed and eternal. However the ego depends and thrives on its own version of innocence, “corrupted innocence.” It is corrupt because in order to perceive itself as innocent it must perceive someone as guilty! Its innocence is bought at the cost of someone’s guilt.
The insane ego believes that:
While we suffer we are innocent. Our suffering proves to our self and others that someone else or something else is guilty. To the ego, being a victim is its protection, its defense against God’s Love and Healing which it interprets as God’s vicious wrath. This includes relationship conflict, sickness, pain, financial lack, etc. Deep down in the core of the ego thought system the ego believes that if it does not punish itself then God (ego’s “god” of pain & suffering) will inflict the most brutal punishment on us…just as he did with Jesus in his crucifixion.
This is the height of insanity however to some degree we all believe it. And this is the basic reason why we resist healing, why we resist instantaneous, miraculous healing. The ego says, “Your suffering proves that you are innocent. It protects you from a much more horrific punishment from God. If you forgive everyone and everything and refuse to be victimized, then you’ll be in big trouble! Without projecting your guilt onto the body, others, the world and God, you will lose your (corrupted) innocence. And then you will be left with absolutely no defense to protect you from God’s Wrath!”
The ego cannot forgive because it believes this: “I need you to be guilty so as I can preserve my (corrupted) innocence to protect me from God’s wrath.”
The delusional ego wants you to believe that if you forgive everyone and everything, you will lose your innocence. To it, suffering and being a victim is innocence. It does not care who or what you appear to be victimized by (abuse, conflict, pain, disease, financial lack, etc); just as long as you do not release your belief in suffering and victimization; as long as you do not forgive it.
The Body as Guilty Scapegoat
The ego says that while I suffer from the seemingly “self-motivated” attacks of the body, I will retain my innocence. While I am victim to the body, then I appear to be innocent and the body is guilty. Not only will I gladly suffer the pains of the body to preserve this illusion of innocence, but I will even welcome death to uphold it!
Whether it uses a person, an experience of lack or conflict, or a bodily condition, the ego always seeks a perpetrator to prove that it is a victim and is therefore, innocent. It must project its guilt onto others, the body, the world or God in order to maintain its false sense of safety (corrupted innocence). Fear demands a witness to uphold its illusions. It needs to uphold a fundamental belief in attack and separation or else it disappears entirely.
If I mistakenly believe I am the ego then I will unknowingly use the body to attack myself (weight, pain, illness and aging, etc.), to prove that I am innocent. In this case the neutral body is projected as the perpetrator, a guilty scapegoat, and the ego uses it to attack with.
Corrupted innocence is the disguised attraction to pain, suffering and death. This secret desire to be unfairly treated is a major reason why we repeatedly choose to exit life through physical death. The ego usurps the power of God and we sentence our self to a much lesser form of punishment than we imagine God will exact upon us – and that lesser form of retribution is physical death.
Following is powerful quote from Jesus in A Course in Miracles:
“The guiltless mind cannot suffer. Being sane, the mind heals the body because [it] has been healed. The sane mind cannot conceive of illness because it cannot conceive of attacking anyone or anything. I said before that illness is a form of magic. It might be better to say that it is a form of magical solution. The ego believes that by punishing itself it will mitigate the punishment of God. Yet even in this it is arrogant. It attributes to God a punishing intent, and then takes this intent as its own prerogative. It tries to usurp all the functions of God as it perceives them, because it recognizes that only total allegiance can be trusted.” T-5.V.5.
Our greatest defense against Love and healing lay in our desire to believe in and witness to attack whether it be via conflict, abandonment, betrayal, abuse, disease, pain, aging, financial lack, etc. How do we know we still desire attack? If we believe it anywhere then we still value it. And whatever we value, God cannot save us from.
Radical Self-Inquiry Exercise
In which areas do you still desire to be unfairly treated so as you can preserve your “corrupted” innocence as a defense against Love and healing? Who and what do you have a hard time forgiving? Is it someone from your childhood? Is it the body (which is entirely innocent and incapable of any self-motivated attacks)? Only you will know your own scapegoats. If you really want to heal, here is an exercise to help:
This is a journaling exercise. You will need a page or more divided vertically in half. The left side is titled, “Ego Speaking” and the right side is titled, “Spirit Speaking.” If you can’t divide a page in half simply use two separate pages.
Perhaps you can get into a quiet place and relax while setting your intention to allow Spirit to reveal whatever you need to see. Without self-judgment, ask to see if there are any people present or past whom you find it difficult to forgive. Look carefully. Whom do you still believe you were victimized by? Be radically honest, to what degree do you still believe this really happened?
- Allow the ego to speak. Let it purge as you ask, “Why does it need to justify its grievance?” And, 2. “What does it fear to lose if you were to forgive and heal completely?”
Now ask Spirit to help you see this differently remembering that the ego believes your “corrupted” innocence (protection from God’s punishment) depends on holding grievances, on you being a victim. Allow Spirit to write to you in its column.
- Now, repeat the same process with anything else that concerns you such as: relationship conflict, the body’s pain, disease, weight gain, financial lack, etc. Are there any “aha” moments? Can you recognize any a self-sabotage patterns arising that you may have previously attributed to outside causes?
- Are you ready to withdraw your projections of attack onto others, yourself, the body, the world and God? This is precisely what forgive is for…to forgive yourself for having been mistaken. Now you may see the precious value in forgiving what never really happened. Ideally, this exercise will completely reinterpret how we see the past. Instead of believing we were indeed victimized, we might begin to have gratitude for everyone who has offered such great forgiveness opportunities. For without them we could never undo our own cycle of unconscious self-attack.
- When you are ready, here is a link to the seven key principles of Quantum Forgiveness: https://nouksanchez.com/nouks-blog/the-seven-essential-principles-in-quantum-forgiveness/