Photo by Nouk Sanchez
Jesus explains with laser like clarity, how sickness, pain and suffering are all defenses against the truth of the all-encompassing Love and joy of God. When we consent to suffer we unknowingly defend ourselves from God’s Will; from Love, joy and life. And the only reason we would do such an insane thing is if unconsciously, we were fearful of God and His Loving Will. Following here, Jesus speaks about sickness and pain being a decision that we make. Illness and pain are never random or accidental…
“Sickness is not an accident. Like all defenses, it is an insane device for self-deception. And like all the rest, its purpose is to hide reality, attack it, change it, render it inept, distort it, twist it, or reduce it to a little pile of unassembled parts. The aim of all defenses is to keep the truth from being whole. The parts are seen as if each one were whole within itself.” W-136.2.
“Defenses are not unintentional, nor are they made without awareness. They are secret, magic wands you wave when truth appears to threaten what you would believe. They seem to be unconscious but because of the rapidity with which you choose to use them. In that second, even less, in which the choice is made, you recognize exactly what you would attempt to do, and then proceed to think that it is done.” W-136.3.
“Who but yourself evaluates a threat, decides escape is necessary, and sets up a series of defenses to reduce the threat that has been judged as real? All this cannot be done unconsciously. But afterwards, your plan requires that you must forget you made it, so it seems to be external to your own intent; a happening beyond your state of mind, an outcome with a real effect on you, instead of one effected by yourself.” W-136.4.
“It is this quick forgetting of the part you play in making your “reality” that makes defenses seem to be beyond your own control. But what you have forgot can be remembered, given willingness to reconsider the decision which is doubly shielded by oblivion. Your not remembering is but the sign that this decision still remains in force, as far as your desires are concerned. Mistake not this for fact. Defenses must make facts unrecognizable. They aim at doing this, and it is this they do.” W-136.5.
There is no hierarchy of illusions, therefore there is no order of difficulty in miracles. If there is no hierarchy of pain, sickness or suffering, because they are all ego’s projected illusions, then miracles can heal them all. The miracle undoes the decision we made to attack through sickness. It does not take into consideration the size or severity of the particular illusion. All illusions are just that – illusions! However, if the cause of our suffering was a decision that we made, we can help the healing process exponentially by exhuming the hidden thoughts and beliefs that the ego used to precipitate self-attack. Later on we will ask some questions that are aimed at revealing the ego’s hidden plan for self sabotage.
Do you experience pain, sickness or suffering? If so, and to set the tone for these few questions, take this next thought to Spirit within and ask wholeheartedly just “why” the ego would choose suffering for you. You want to know why so as you can now change this decision with Spirit. Spirit cannot help to heal until you un-decide the choice for suffering that you made with the ego. For example, many years ago I was a successful make-up artist with my own cosmetics company. It took me 15 years of very intense and shoulder-breaking work to reach the goal I had desired. And just as I had reached it, I experienced a particularly painful shoulder condition that required major surgery. This was nothing less than an extensive shoulder reconstruction which was a very tricky surgery 20 years ago.
I chose my birthday to have it done and asked the surgeon to operate on my carpel tunnel at the same time. I did not want to have to return later to have that done. He advised against having both the shoulder reconstruction and carpel tunnel done together, but I was stubborn and so it was. On the surface here, it looked like I was being assertive and desired to have my pain healed so I could return to my career in full confidence. I was told I’d need to take 3 months off work and that seemed fine with me, but no longer than this because I had a full career to get back to.
As much as I seemed to be positive and to know what I was doing… there was an underlying desperation that I did not want to acknowledge at the time. As a consequence of my resistance to going within to question my closeted fear, the surgery went wrong. There were complications together with a seeming accidental fall soon afterward, that caused inner scarring and further lesions. The healing process was very long and painful while it cost me a great deal more than just 3 months off from work. For more than a year I was unable to function well. Eventually, a deep depression set in and I had lost my ability to continue my career. Shortly thereafter, I lost my company too. And then I had a breakdown. It seemed my whole identity was crumbling…but I did not know back then, that I was breaking down in order to “break-through.”
This is how the ego works. Now I see it clearly as I piece it together. Underneath all that ambition and bravado, beneath the “symptom” (shoulder pain) lay the ego’s buried decision which was the “cause” for pain. Deep down, if I had simply shown-up for myself and asked with Love what the real issue was, my terror could have been revealed and the subsequent suffering would have been avoided. But, when we mistakenly rely on the ego, we always betray and abandon ourselves, just as I had. My deeper fear, the one that I was unable to accept was that prior to the surgery, I had already achieved the pinnacle of my career. And after my initial high, there remained a deep inner emptiness that nothing, not even my career success, could possibly satisfy. This thought of emptiness was so terrifying that I could not face it consciously. Instead, I joined the ego in a decision to inflict attack upon my body. I felt unworthy, unloved, and unappreciated. What better way to prove this ego lie to myself and the world, than to inflict physical and emotional self-attack.
The good news about this story is that once I came to my senses, I delved deeper into A Course in Miracles and began to un-learn (forgive) the ego’s self-destructive beliefs and values. Now I know that we don’t need to learn through pain…although most of us choose to. But thankfully, in any instant that we decide with Spirit, to renounce our decision for self-attack, then we reunite with God’s Loving Will. And our healing is always God’s Will!
Sickness Exercise ~ Revealing the Ego’s Self-Sabotage
Here are some questions that might assist in bringing any hidden ego agenda’s up to the light of Truth. Make sure you answer these questions in the presence of Spirit. You will need to access the ego’s darkened wishes for you but make sure you’re not alone. Call Spirit in to guide the process. It’s a good idea to have pen and paper ready to write down any thoughts, beliefs, insights or images that may arise.
Take a few deep breaths and gently relax as much as you can. Know that you are protected by Spirit’s presence and that there is no judgment here. This is an exercise to unearth the egos’ secret weapons of self-sabotage. For this you can be immensely grateful. Once you’re able to see these and look upon them with Spirit, they can be easily transmuted; exchanged for the miracle through the Atonement.
If this sickness, pain or suffering came about exclusively as a decision that I made to defend my “self” (ego) from the unassailable Love that I am, then why did I decide for this?
1) What is the ego payoff? If suffering of any kind is a defense against the Love of God within me, then how does this ____( problem, pain, illness, handicap, weight problem, etc.,)___________________shield me from the Truth of God’s Love? What does it seek to prove to me? And what would Spirit have me know?
2) What precipitated my hidden decision for self-attack? What was the ego trying to run from? What was it trying to block? What was it trying to punish me for? Who was it attempting to make guilty? And why?
3) Do I have any mistaken beliefs that God approves of suffering? That perhaps God gives us lessons that may be painful but will strengthen us? What are these? And am I prepared to give these mistaken beliefs now to Spirit to exchange for the miracle?
4) If God’s all-encompassing Love is purely endless joy and healing without any form of suffering, then do you still hold any grievances against God? What are they? Are you prepared to admit that you must claim responsibility for these ego grievances now, and to sincerely hand them over to Spirit?
5) Physical death is not part of God. Death is the ego’s projection as a defense against awakening to the invulnerability of Holy Self that we are. There cannot be both death and God. Death is a defense against the Truth just as sickness is. Do I believe that physical death will grant me relief from the body? What do I believe death will give to me, that life cannot? Am I resentful of my body? If so, what grievances do I hold against it? Am I willing to let these judgments go now? Am I willing to see that I (ego) have used the body to attack myself and that the body is entirely innocent? Am I willing to forgive the body for what it did not do?
Jesus speaks more about true healing:
“Sickness is a defense against the truth. I will accept the truth of what I am, and let my mind be wholly healed today.” W-136.15:6-7
“Healing will flash across your open mind, as peace and truth arise to take the place of war and vain imaginings. There will be no dark corners sickness can conceal, and keep defended from the light of truth. There will be no dim figures from your dreams, nor their obscure and meaningless pursuits with double purposes insanely sought, remaining in your mind. It will be healed of all the sickly wishes that it tried to authorize the body to obey.” W-136.16.
“Now is the body healed, because the source of sickness has been opened to relief. And you will recognize you practiced well by this: The body should not feel at all. If you have been successful, there will be no sense of feeling ill or feeling well, of pain or pleasure. No response at all is in the mind to what the body does. Its usefulness remains and nothing more.” W-136.17.
“Perhaps you do not realize that this removes the limits you had placed upon the body by the purposes you gave to it. As these are laid aside, the strength the body has will always be enough to serve all truly useful purposes. The body’s health is fully guaranteed, because it is not limited by time, by weather or fatigue, by food and drink, or any laws you made it serve before. You need do nothing now to make it well, for sickness has become impossible.” W-136.18.
“Yet this protection needs to be preserved by careful watching. If you let your mind harbor attack thoughts, yield to judgment or make plans against uncertainties to come, you have again misplaced yourself, and made a bodily identity which will attack the body, for the mind is sick.” W-136.19.
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Thank you Nouk! That’s a VERY powerful “exercise”! Although, the insights I have given me aren’t THAT new to me; this time, I’m not all freak out about them! It’s more like a “gentle recognition of the (amazing) lies I had invented, and then made myself belief, and “acted out”/projected!
This exercise, together with the “Are You Fearful Of God?” ( http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=517 ) have been beautifully supportive for me! It will be very interesting to see how it all dissolves into the nothingness from which it all, apparently, arose!
Big Hug!
An interesting question: I really DO sense that I have reached the bottom of all the apparent opposites of who I truly AM; and, nevertheless, I still sense to put myself into its grip – so, how come that I don’t allow myself to fully blow up into the Spirit I truly Am? I mean: as far as I can tell, I’m the only one holding me back!
Friedrich, for me…there is still the temptation to BELIEVE what ego shows me in the body and the world. And there is still the temptation to believe that I am not worthy of ALL God’s Love and Healing 100% of the time. And its this deep sense of unworthiness (guilt) that causes me to doubt in accepting TOTAL, SPONTANEOUS HEALING. Every time I’m tempted to “see” pain, suffering, etc…I remind myself of this:
What is God’s Will for me? Is it always healing? Is it always for happiness and joy? YES! Then why would I not ACCEPT and join with God’s joyous Will for me? If Jesus was physically present and eagerly wanting to heal my mind of all suffering instantaneously…would I kneel before Him and truly accept this permanent Healing in this instant? Or would I decide to take time to make up my mind (and suffer more)?
I have asked for this Healing. And it has already happened. I know I have accepted it. My biggest block is doubt, “self-doubt”. But I remind myself that I am not this ego self. I am the invulnerable Holy Self! Therefore my Healing is already done! I remind myself that I am already Healed…and I’m choosing to trust this, and remember it regardless of whatever ego temptations show up. Like me…you ARE ALREADY Healed too! 😉
So, would you say that it is “just” something like “not yet fully accepting THE TRUTH that it is ALL AN ILLUSION?” Sort of like “residue”, like “an eco” from the illusion I haven’t yet fully recognized as a lie? Is it “just” a matter of “keep chipping away the cloud cover?” “Keep digging the tunnel, until you come out at the other side fully recognizing THE TRUTH?” Like, “yes! I’m on the Right Track! And just need to de-hypnotize me more fully from the lie?
Yes: it is all self doubt – so, the remedy would be: “JUST KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF THE TRUTH!”?
I so much appreciate Friedrich’s comments, and your reply. This is similar to what I seem to be facing. I am learning patient love as with a frightened animal. It is not rational. I believe I want to heal my mind and wake up, and yet…..what am I missing here. I can only go with faith and trust that as I clean and dig, the ever subtler veils or blocks will be removed. De-hypnotize. I was thinking of that just before I read this blog. Thank you Friedrich. Thank you Nouk.
When I looked at question 2 I heard ego is punishing me for making it up, attempting (and doing pretty well) to make me (I’m assuming this is my Holy Self, or is it my ego self?) feel guilty for having got into this mess, for having made so many mistakes, for being the one to have caused all this pain and suffering to myself, to have been so unkind to so many. Who is it that’s feeling bad, feeling guilty? Surely my Holy Self cannot feel any of that? If it’s the ego then it’s punishing itself. I’m having a moment of confusion – another good trick. When I use your prayer Nouk, “Spirit, please help me to forgive myself…” who am I forgiving?
These exercises are so powerful. I don’t really need an answer to the above, it will come, it has come because I don’t feel any confusion right now having worked through to the end. I don’t understand but I don’t presently need to understand. I am willing. And I feel Peace because I am not presently defending against it. I was going to delete the above, but I think I’ll leave it here in case it helps anyone else. It always helps me reading other people’s comments.
Thank you Nouk. I don’t understand but I don’t need to. What you said in a comment above about if Jesus were physically here would I decide to hesitate and suffer more, that really moved me. I feel quite quite exhausted at why I would keep choosing suffering over healing. Looking at my grievances against God was/is very helpful. I was going to type ‘I’ll keep at it” but there’s no need, it’s already done. Vigilance yes, but healing is done. Oh oh oh the resistance to truly accepting that … wanting to make this difficult. I’m remembering to laugh ( a little).
Hi Anne! The way I support myself in wrapping my mind about this whole illusion game is with the following model (which, ISN’T exactly in alignment with the Course!) But, for me it works, unless it doesn’t anymore!)
When God’s Only Son (Christ, All That Is, All Of “Us”) CHOSE to hallucinate the nonexistent, never happened (it APPEARED to happen ONLY in our imagination) separation from God (All That Is) – in other words, fantasized about something that ISN’T – it split itself ILLUSIONARY into two: – one part REMAINED as the Christ, and which it, also its MEMORY of Itself and its relationship with God (ONE with God), while the other part, APPARENTLY hypnotized Itself, APPARENTLY exploding Itself into this APPARENT world, and into its APPARENT millions and millions of independent wholes = characters = persona = egos, while the whole appear and world is in and of itself just a “gigantic” ego.
So, this split Christ APPEARS to express and experience Itself through and as all this APPARENTLY separate and independent egos, each, APPARENTLY, endowed with “free will”, while in truth, it is all orchestrated by the ONE split Christ mind!
So, this ONE split Christ mind APPARENTLY expressing and experiencing Itself through and as all this APPARENT individual egos, APPARENTLY endowed with “free will”, gives Itself the possibility to experience “life” in the dream world (ego world) as we, up to today, know it – with all its apparent shortcomings, struggles, crimes, wars, sicknesses, craziness, unfairness, fights, etc.
Hence, when I ask “Spirit, please help me to forgive myself for using (whatever illusion) to attack myself and separate from You Love as My Holy Self”, what I am really doing (as far as I belief to understand, and I am more than open to learn more to it!) is me, the apparent split Christ, asking the other part of the Christ Mind which still remembers The TRUTH (ONE with God, in heaven, never left) to help me UNDO my illusionary thought system, which led to me to believe that the illusion is true, and The TRUTH a lie! It’s the me I have convinced myself to be asking the REAL me to undo what’s not TRUTH!
In other words, “forgiving” is like “waking up from the dream one piece at the time”, recognizing the TRUE from the false.
In a way, it’s all a Christ Mind Game!
Those “immense feelings of guilt & shame” I mentioned in my first post, have now a scenery!
While doing the “two hours meeting with God (unconditional love) of Day 21 of Lisa Natolis 40 days transformational program, I imagined the same happening like during a year and a half when I participated in ayahuasca sessions – at that times (1999 – 2001), I used to ask the ayahuasca spirit to please show me “unconditional love” – most of the time (each second session), he/I showed myself “unconditional hell” (each intermittent session nothing happened, no matter how much ayahuasca I drunk).
In the two-hour exercise today, I gifted myself with the same feeling – but this time I was able to just stay with it and see “what else I’m trying to gift myself with” – to my surprise, I saw myself watching porn movies (which I do from time to time), and I catch myself being absolutely terrified, in panic, feeling excruciating guilty by imagining that members of the family that take care of the property where I live (they are Christians) would catch me … The thoughts that came to my mind were “that watching dirty and filthy porn is THE most disgusting, loathsome, sickening thing to do, deserving the most horrible, never ending punishment EVER!
While I had been in touch several times with that particular feeling before, I had never seen the connection with watching porn! What’s REALLY interesting is that my conscious understanding of porn and watching it is really just two people (or more; it depends! LOL!), enjoying each other (or more), while being filmed! BUT! My “not so much anymore” unconsciousness … has a completely different idea about it! It was like if watching porn would be THE most hideous crime EVER been possible, with ABSOLUTELY NONE possibility to be forgiven!
I’m wondering what other treasures by unconsciousness is trying to bring to light! Especially in the light of “if such an apparently innocent act like watching porn can have attached to it so much guilt – how about some deeds that I would REALLY judge as heinous?!!
Thank you Friedrich! When we ask to “see” where the unconscious guilt lies…we are shown it so as we can let it go. I join you in releasing every shred of guilt and shame. For me, each time I sense any guilt or shame, I’m able to acknowledge that I’m rejecting God’s Love; my Holy Self. So it’s a choice now…guilt? or unconditional Love?
🙂
Dear Nouk! Beautifully expressed! Thank you!
nouk, I have just found your book take me to the truth and saw you interview with ken bok. when can I purchase your newer book the end of death? I am hoping to be in santé fe in march. I love what you had to say in the interview and am using the prayer you shared with ken. thank you for sharing so honestly with us all. in spirit, maurice
Hi Maurice,
Thanks for your encouraging comment here. The End of Death is due for release either Dec or early 2014. Please sign up or our e-newsletter, as we’ll announce its release date in there. Here’s the link:http://undoing-the-ego.org/newsletter.html
Blessings,
Nouk 🙂