A Manual for Holy Relationship - The End of Death, Volume 2; blog reference
A Manual for Holy Relationship - The End of Death, Volume 2; copyright 2020

You would think by now, given all my experience with the ego’s attempts at unconscious self-sabotage, that I would have seen this one coming. But no; such was my level of resistance at the time. Yet thankfully I am reminded that everything the ego uses for attack, when given to Spirit, results in miracles over and over again. Thank God!

Sparo and I recently hosted an incredibly healing Retreat in Portland, OR. During the third day and in the midst of an important point I was attempting to make, I felt Jesus nudge me strongly, asking me to allow a guided meditation to come through me. And this was my immediate response (from the ego of course): “What!? I’m not good at delivering guided meditations, especially spontaneous ones where I have no clue about the intention or the outcome! What is it FOR? Tell me first and then I might agree.”

I stood there in confusion in front of the group for what appeared like a long time, having this seemingly schizophrenic inner conversation. Suddenly I decided to let go and allow the inner Voice to guide the group, not having any idea where this was to lead them…or me. This particular guidance was so powerful that before I knew it, I was being “spoken through”. I felt like a hollow bone through which the Master’s Voice lovingly extended to those minds and hearts attuned to His healing frequency.

And then I was gone. Nouk had joined the group on this remarkable meditational voyage. So there I was, supposedly leading the meditation yet at the same time I was a follower fully absorbed within the amazing journey that it took us on.

Many experienced a huge opening during that meditation including myself. What I saw and opened to was so immense that I was lost for words to describe it, as were a few others. All I can say here is that it took us to meet and to feel the Joy and Power of the God Self within. And with that, I saw and felt (and almost claimed fully) the infinite and Holy dominion thatI shared with God, over every fear the ego had made in this world. There was nothing the God within could not do.

And this next part was what I had conveniently forgotten. Often, after a significant breakthrough as I’d just experienced, the ego tries to side-swipe us with what I call an ego back-lash. It does this by using the body, another or a situation for attack to prove its supremacy; that fear remains the master and not Love. None of this is true of course however it can certainly appear convincing.

My favorite forms of (ego) self-attack have been false humility (I’m not worthy) and physical pain. I can laugh out loud now as I write this. I mean who in their right mind would choose such things? But that’s it right there! In every instance we experience and believe these or any other form of adversity then we are clearly in our WRONG MIND. An immediate sign we need to accept the Atonement, the Divine undoing of fear in our mind.

In temporary forgetfulness I allowed the ego to tempt me into believing its backlash attempt. I got to see that I still had fears about the body. And that I had not as yet given the body wholly over to Spirit. There still remained some areas of the body’s maintenance and preservation that I believed I could manage alone, without the help of Spirit. However anything we attempt to manage alone is always hijacked by the ego and used to reinforce separation and suffering.

A Painful Temptation – the Ego Backlash

Just before bed, I took a shower during the height of believing this ego attempt to sway me. I knew it was high time for me to look at this with Spirit before I went to bed. Yet I put it off until the next day. Then in the next moment as I turned the shower off and stepped out of the tub, my right foot twisted badly, and landed in a most excruciating position on the floor.

This was a sprain like no other I had ever felt. It was past 10pm and all I could do was hop to the bed and lay down with the foot raised on pillows. Pretty quickly, bruising appeared on the top and the sole of the foot and the pain became increasingly persistent. I could not move my foot in any direction. The (ego) thought? It’s fractured. By 3am I was in tears and realized I couldn’t drive myself to Urgent Care because I just could not move my foot.

By this time, fear had ripped through making itself quite at home in my mind and body. The ego’s voice in my mind was screaming telling me that I was a failure; that I was nowhere near qualified to teach these deeper teachings of Jesus. And why didn’t I just give up now? Finally, still in tears, some semblance of sanity began to seep through and I felt a quiet question being asked, “Do you want to choose again?” My answer was a resounding, “yes”.

I managed to get up and slowly make my way over to the dining table where my copy of A Course in Miracles lay. “Open it,” was the instruction. And it fell open at Chapter 19 titled, “Faith and Healing.” With my ailing foot perched upon a pillow on a chair, I began to read this section like I had never read it before. My mind returned to clarity and fear fell away.

Jesus says that when a situation (such as my unconscious choice for a sprained foot) has been dedicated wholly to Truth (God) then peace and healing are inevitable. Healing is the certain outcome of our faith in it. But…it is the faith we have that calls upon the certainty of God’s Will to be made manifest. Without this undivided faith the outcome will be divided and healing will seem to be inconsistent. That’s how the ego snags us.

It tricks us into thinking that both the body and the mind can heal (or get sick). But in reality only the mind (not brain) can heal or be sick. The body’s condition is a direct manifestation of the mind’s preference for sickness or healing. When we falsely believe the body can either become sick or well on its own, we deny the power of the singular cause of True Healing which is the mind, the Right Mind.

While I was consumed with believing that it was the foot which required healing (independently from the ego mind that projected it), I was divided in my faith. And the outcome of this misaligned belief was that the sole cause (guilt as self-attack in the mind) could not be forgiven and healed. I could have had the foot medically healed but the guilt that caused this attack would stay put, ready to attack in numerous forms again at some other time.

True faith is remembering that the source of all suffering is in the mind. And the remedy is forgiveness via accepting the Atonement.

Jesus says that when part of the mind (ego) sees itself as separate from its Universal Purpose (undivided joy and Love), then the body becomes its weapon. My sprained foot was testimony to this. The ego’s purpose in pain and sickness is always to “demonstrate” to our self and the world that we are separate; that we are not the indestructible, innocent, whole and Holy Self but instead, helpless victims of all that we made to attack our pristine innocence.

Here lay a paradox indeed. There is no body to be healed. The body is an outward projection (image) of our inner beliefs. It remains in the mind that made it. And yet when we genuinely allow the miracle to heal the mind, the body is healed. If we try to heal the body without healing the mind that made it, we do nothing at all but simply trade one illusion of sickness for an equal illusion of health.

Real faith comes from an undivided commitment to remember where all healing remains – in the mind. Faithlessness is wholly dedicated to illusions while faith is wholly dedicated to Truth. Partial dedication is impossible. And the reason is that Truth is the absence of illusion; while illusion is the absence of Truth.

Both illusion and Truth cannot coexist. But we attempt to merge them every day! And then we wonder why forgiveness and healing appear to be inconsistent. We think some healing can be achieved through the body while other types of healing are done through the mind.  The problem with this model is that we become confused and this creates an inconsistent healing outcome, which is the ego’s unconscious attraction to death.

The Miracle

As I had fallen into the healing “experience” that Jesus points us to in reading that section of the Course, I suddenly became aware that twenty minutes had passed since I had felt excruciating pain and despair. Somewhere during that short window of time, I had entered a Holy Instant and completely suspended my disbelief in the miracle’s outcome. I returned to my Self and was no longer abandoning myself through fear and pain. I was acutely aware that I was now “willing” with God and the certain outcome of this is always healing.

I could feel no pain! The first thought was that my foot had become numb from the elevated position. But I caught that ego thought. Then I completely joined with Spirit in knowing that the reason I felt no pain was because the injury was fully healed. My mind had accepted healing and my undivided faith had returned.

Very gently, I lowered my foot from the chair and cautiously stood up. Nothing. No pain whatsoever! I inspected the previously bruised foot and both the swelling and the bruise had almost completely disappeared. And all this happened within a period of less than thirty minutes.

A deep and joyous sense of gratitude bubbled up from deep inside me. What did I do? The fact is that I did nothing except to surrender my fearful perception of pain to God’s all-encompassing Love and healing and willingly receive the miracle. I abdicated my unconscious decision for self-attack and exchanged it for God’s True Will. And that is all. But that IS all. What else is there, really?

A few minutes later I heard Jesus gently ask me to review steps five and seven in the Forgiveness Process (The End of Death’s Seven Essential Principles to Quantum Forgiveness, click here). Ahhhh…there is no order of difficulty in miracles and trust completely that healing is God’s Will therefore it is already done. And all I had to do was to accept it. Thank you 😉

The End of Death; A Manual for Holy Relationship

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