Copyright 2017 Nouk Sanchez
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We long to be seen, to be respected, accepted and loved for who we are. Yet there remains an unidentified and cruel deception which underlies our craving. The one who yearns to be seen, loved and accepted is the “false-self” and its sad secret is that it has zero capacity either to receive or to give what it appears to so desperately seek.
And the reason is because it doesn’t recognize perfect Love. It does not know what it is. On top of that it’s afraid of it because it does not understand it. It sees Love as a threat. Instead, the ego pursues specialness and confuses it with Love. Yet specialness is fraught with guilt, fear, change and loss while perfect Love is changeless no matter what may appear to threaten it. Love does not budge when confronted by judgment, blame or any other expression of fear.
Our Holy Self is perfect, unopposed, uninterrupted Love and innocence. The false-self is fear. As opposites, they do not see or communicate with each other. In fact the presence of one in our mind completely excludes the other.
In any now moment in which we believe guilt, blame, fear, anger, judgment, lack, pain, illness, loss, threat, worry, etc., we’re unknowingly identifying as the false-self and not our Holy Self. This self only sees others as false-selves as well. It sees in others that which it denies in itself.
This self then attempts to solve the countless illusory problems that it alone projects. This is why the ego always seeks but never finds. Buried beneath all its extravagant promises of love, its underlying agenda is separation and suffering although it keeps this destructive goal well concealed from conscious awareness.
In relationships it seeks special love in a deluded effort to complete the illusion of itself. Yet Love and specialness are opposites. Yes, opposites. Specialness is fear in disguise. It has all the trappings of what the world has come to know as “love” however real and conscious Love is changeless. It is total. That means it is undivided. And it’s 100% inclusive. Conversely, special love is always changing because its underlying source arises from guilt, fear, deprivation and exclusivity. The ego depends on specialness because it generates the guilt necessary for it to survive.
Perfect Love is Love without fear. It is Love without conflict; communication without conflict. This is the very essence of our Holy Self. It does not waiver. It cannot judge. It sees only innocence wherever it looks as it sees itself. This Love cannot turn to hate, it does not change and it cannot end. Imagine that.
Love and nothing but Love is the core of our being. There is absolutely no moment where this perfect Love is ever threatened. It is entirely uninterrupted. Yet we will not recognize or accept it while we value and perceive through the false-self.
We will always attract that which we value. If we seek for special love then this is what we will attract. And the sad consequence is that we will be afraid of Love.
Mistaking Fear for Love
This immense and eternal ocean of Love does not leave us not even for an instant. However our awareness of it can. And this Love cannot be felt or known to us while we choose to value it’s opposite. Specialness is not Love but fear. Because it’s based on fear and lack it is unstable and inconsistent. Special love is easily withdrawn when its exclusivity is threatened. Specialness is exclusive; whereas the essence of our Holy Self is inclusive.
Special love is centered on fear. It’s an attempt to combine two total and mutually exclusive thought systems. The special relationship dynamic involves fearful love while maintaining another often unrecognized contradiction, loving fears (i.e. being “worried” about someone is just one example of a loving fear which is impossibility in Truth).
We can love someone in one instant and hate them in the next if they say or do something which threatens the ego’s identity. We may say we love someone however if our love turns to worry or fear for them then this is not Love but an expression of fear. Love and fear are opposites; they cannot be combined. The presence of one excludes the other. We cannot have a bit of both.
In every moment we are either in Love or we’re in fear. There is nothing in between. As I’ve said many times before, the two are 100% mutually exclusive. They are each total thought systems which do not converge at any level.
Love is trust. Trust is Love. We cannot Love without trust. This means we must learn to trust the Holy Self within and in others. “Yet love without trust is impossible, and doubt and trust cannot coexist.” M-7.4:6
But how often do we consciously check-in when we are worried about a loved one? Do we supervise our own fearful thoughts, beliefs and stories? Do we recognize the instant we are triggered? Do we recognize the moment we fear for our self or someone else, is the very instant that Love vanishes from our awareness having been replaced by the dark shadow of fear? In the special relationship the ego calls this distrust “caring” for another. It labels this contraction from Love as loving. The underlying question here is how can fear and distrust possibly be an expression of Love?
The presence of fear in me immediately signifies that I have stepped away from Love as the core of my being. And if I’m trying to help someone who appears to be suffering while I am concerned (fearful) myself, I only exacerbate the issue for both of us. Two wrongs never make a right. If I am concerned at all, then I do not trust. And I am the one in immediate need of healing via forgiveness. Thankfully, this healing is accessible in any Holy Instant I am willing to exchange my own fear for the miracle. That way healing is given to us both. Here is the Forgiveness/Atonement process: https://nouksanchez.com/nouks-blog/the-seven-essential-principles-in-quantum-forgiveness/
Hiding from our True Identity and Divine Purpose
This may come as quite a shock but it must be addressed. We won’t know “What” we are until we give our relationships to the Holy Spirit for His comprehensive and sacred repurposing. Until then our special relationships with family, partners, children, friends, etc, are used to make sure we never discover the Love we are and share.
This commitment to give our relationships to the Holy Spirit, to make them Holy, does not mean we have to give up our special relationships with certain individuals. However it does mean we must be willing to give the purpose of these relationships to Spirit so they are no longer used for the ego’s destructive purpose.
This re-purposing of the goal from specialness to Holiness is a call to embody our True Identity and Purpose. Through the transfer process we will actually experience the shift between the false-self and our Holy Self profoundly. The extreme contrast between the two cannot be showcased more clearly than here within the experiential transfer from special to Holy Relationship. By the way, here are The Seven Keys to Holy Relationship (which will be addressed in lots more detail in Volume Two of The End of Death: https://nouksanchez.com/nouks-blog/the-seven-powerful-keys-to-holy-relationships/ Practicing these Keys in relationship helps to accelerate the transfer from special to Holy Relationship.
We will be blind to our True Identity and divine Purpose while we continue to prolong the specialness dynamic in our relationships. Only the pseudo-self relates with self and others via specialness. The purpose of the specialness dynamic is to hide not just our own divine Identity but that of everyone else as well.
While we relate as a false-self to other false-selves we will apply special rules to all our relationships. And these specialness laws are enforced to exclude the genuine emotional intimacy, defenselessness and radical self-honesty we must learn to embrace in order to be seen; to be Loved, and to Love in return. This exclusion is ultimately the rejection of our most beloved, guiltless and Holy Self, the one Identity we share with others. To be seen necessitates dropping our emotional defenses. It also requires our desire to “close the gap” with another even if we seem to disagree with them. Therefore, we learn to desire union more than we want to be right (separation).
Given that every person in our life is a direct reflection of our own self-evaluation albeit mostly unrecognized, they can only accept us to the extent we accept and Love our Self. And whilst we continue to hide by relating with others through the pseudo-self and its special love we will not know Love precisely because we are afraid of it.
Very simply, to the degree we hide from our Holy Self will be the extent to which we will inadvertently resist our True Identity and divine purpose. It will also be the extent to which we appear to attract judgment or attack from others, the body and the world. The nature of Love dwells only within the authentic, guiltless and Holy Self. And this is the only Love that can be shared in reality.
There is a very good reason why A Course in Miracles focuses so heavily on the undoing of our special relating. Apart from the fact that specialness involves two false-selves relating, it also reveals that no communication takes place because literally, only Love can be shared. Despite appearances, special love cannot be shared as it arises from fear. Remember special love is really attack in disguise. Any form of “love” which involves fear, concern, exclusivity, loss, lack or conditions, is not Love but fear masquerading as Love. The body then and not the Spirit, is at the center of these relationships.
Through special relationships we will erroneously pursue and strengthen the ego’s identity and purpose in all the myriad areas it urges us to go seek but never find. Yet it’s by means of the Holy Relationship that we finally learn of the sanctity of our True Identity and its extraordinary Purpose.
It was revealed to me just how extensive the ego’s obsession with special relationships is. They are the bedrock of the ego thought system. Without them there could be no ego. Everything we do in life is fabricated around specialness. Both the false-identity and its purpose are cemented within an unrecognized pursuit of specialness. Let me explain.
When a child is born they emerge with amnesia of both their True Identity as the Holy Self and their True Purpose which is to break the ego spell and awaken from the dream of separation. Yet their parents, caretakers, education and the world in general have no clue of this. Instead, they are programmed to encourage and groom the child’s false-self concept and enforce the laws of specialness to sustain his or her pseudo-self.
They convince the child he is a mere mortal trapped in a body which becomes hopelessly confused as his “self”. Now the separate body and not the eternal Holy Self is made the central idol of his existence and he becomes convinced he is a victim of forces beyond his control. He forgets the Truth that his Holy Self has complete dominion over the body.
He doesn’t recall that the body, others and the world cannot attack him unless he enlists them to. Conversely, he is victim to them. In addition, he is taught to use his body to seek pleasure while attempting to avoid pain not recognizing that both pleasure and pain are one and the same.
They teach the child that he is sustained by everything other than his ever-present and True Source as God (Love) within. And that he is incomplete and unworthy, therefore he must seek his completion and earn his worth externally until his body is finally doomed to death.
Having confused Love with fear, as he grows up he will quest after special relationships to try to fill his aching emptiness. And he will suffer in romantic relationships because he is hopelessly lost in his confusion between lust and Love. Once again, he will not recognize the presence of lust (fear) is the exclusion of Love. Yet he will feel guilt and not realize why.
Most of all, children grow up to learn these false values from the world’s prolific demonstrations and “appearances” which convincingly attempt to justify that fear and not Love makes the world go ‘round. PLEASE NOTE: Watch for Part Two and Three coming soon! 😉
NOTE: My bestselling book, The End of Death, is available in AUDIO BOOK, PAPERBACK & KINDLE. To download a free Chapter of the audio book and for more valuable tools and meditations, go to: www.EndOfDeath.com