In my many years studying and living A Course in Miracles, I have witnessed a juncture where most students, including myself, become stuck in their spiritual journey. This area involves the compartmentalization of our practice of the principles. Practically speaking, this means that each student accepts the teaching at an intellectual level, yet does not consistently apply its principles directly to their life, such as in their relationships, the body, their finances and to life in general.
We effectively become “part time” students of the Course. We often segregate our spiritual study because our partner, family and friends are not on this path. And rather than jeopardize the relationship, we simply attempt our practice of forgiveness alone.
This initial phase of compartmentalizing our life can last for many years. While endeavoring to be a “good” Course student, we actually succeed in spiritualizing the ego, whose ultimate goal is to keep the false self. We still largely view our body as real here, more believable than our invulnerable Holy Self. And we still abide by the rules of human love and human relationships (specialness). With these stances, we unwittingly attempt to straddle two completely opposed thought systems, fear and Love, the ego and Spirit.
“Although you are one Self, you experience yourself as two; as both good and evil, loving and hating, mind and body. This sense of being split into opposites induces feelings of acute and constant conflict, and leads to frantic attempts to reconcile the contradictory aspects of this
self-perception. You have sought many such solutions, and none of them has worked. The opposites you see in you will never be compatible. But one exists.” W-96.1.
In the following quote from Jesus, He explains that, through the ego, our split mind is upheld by dissociation. However, by necessity, we will eventually reach a breaking point where we simply cannot maintain both fear and Love. One must go – and this is our divine breakthrough:
“Dissociation is a distorted process of thinking whereby two systems of belief which cannot coexist are both maintained. If they are brought together, their joint acceptance becomes impossible. But if one is kept in darkness from the other, their separation seems to keep them both alive and equal in their reality. Their joining thus becomes the source of fear, for if they meet, acceptance must be withdrawn from one of them. You cannot have them both, for each denies the other. Apart, this fact is lost from sight, for each in a separate place can be endowed with firm belief. Bring them together, and the fact of their complete incompatibility is instantly apparent. One will go, because the other is seen in the same place.” T-14.VII.4: 3-10
This is why every Course student eventually comes to a crossroads. We simply cannot sustain or reconcile two diametrically opposed systems of thought. This straddling becomes altogether intolerable and things really get shaken up. We often “hit the wall” through some unbearable event or a succession of them. Jesus refers to this as the “undoing” stage of awakening in ‘A Course in Miracles,’ explained as the six stages of the development of trust (Manual for Teachers). This is where we reach what feels like an impossible impasse and we must make a decision as to how we will proceed from then on.
Up until now, we’ve most likely tried everything we can to “rescue” our identity, our health, our relationships or our income, etc., based upon what has worked in the past. And now we feel defeated. A sense of hopelessness, despair and utter defeat has come to tempt us to believe that we have failed – again – and that there is no God.
At this crossroads, most people will do one of two things. Either they’ll attempt to fight on and endure through this period, or they’ll recognize the opportunity for healing and blessing that this pivotal turning point actually offers. When it seems that most everything is razed to the ground, the majority of people will try “rebuilding” their relationships, or their health, their purpose, their finances, etc., utilizing their own seeming strengths. Yet those who do manage to recognize the ego’s looping pattern and who ask to see it with the Holy Spirit, are shown a miraculous opportunity to embark on their true Purpose, as the undoing of the deeply unconscious (false self) “identity” that thrives on separation and suffering.
“ …you cannot distinguish between advance and retreat. Some of your greatest advances you have judged as failures, and some of your deepest retreats you have evaluated as success.” T-18.V.1:5-6
Upon seeing and feeling this total disillusionment, this minority of individuals will drop to their knees in true humility and ask Spirit to help them. They do not ask for help to rebuild their false identity and life… but instead they ask from their heart for a genuine awakening. They ask for Spirit to enter their mind and to heal it. This minority are unknowingly at the most powerful point of their life. They now have the willingness to invite a Higher Power in to truly heal the singular cause of all suffering. They now have the willingness to not only experience abundant miracles, but to become a miracle-worker themselves.
Unfortunately, there are some who lose all hope when they realize the futility of the false identity and world they once believed in. Those who lose hope often commit suicide or develop a life-threatening illness as a “way out.”
“The fact that truth and illusion cannot be reconciled, no matter how you try, what means you use and where you see the problem, must be accepted if you would be saved. Until you have accepted this, you will attempt an endless list of goals you cannot reach; a senseless series of expenditures of time and effort, hopefulness and doubt, each one as futile as the one
before, and failing as the next one surely will.” W-pl.96.2:1-2
Because I have seen this pattern so clearly now and have healed it within myself, and because I am experiencing the abundant miracles that come when we live from complete alignment in every area of our lives, I invite and encourage you to join our online community of like-minded ACIM students. As explained repeatedly in the Course, we cannot awaken from the dream of separation alone. We need our brothers and sisters to help us release our deeply unconscious fear of union, of Love, of God.
“Salvation comes from this one Self through Him Who is the Bridge between your mind and It. Wait patiently, and let Him speak to you about your Self, and what your mind can do, restored to [this one Self] and free to serve Its Will.” W-pI.96:8:3-4
Join us as we support one another in this integration of Love without opposite. If you have truly “had enough” of trying to straddle two, irreconcilable belief systems (fear and Love), then please join our Total Transformation Course (TTC). This is where the Course’s teachings and its miracles come alive on a day to day basis. Here, you will receive the direct experience of a divine Love with your online family, which gives you the necessary support and conviction to apply the Course to every area of your life.
You can also join us in our 12-month online Holy Relationship Journey (HRJ) Course as we venture together through the latest release, ‘A Manual for Holy Relationship.’
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Thank you so much Nouk. This feels as exactly where I stand now. Letting go of all my ideas of fulfillment, and let Him fill my cup. I experience a lot of anxiety around letting go of my will, and the compartmentalizing of my life. Sharing my journey with TTC buddies, but not out hardly with family and friends. I am willing to be shown how to follow instead of lead, butt I really don’t know how, since it’s all I know. Thank you for this post, it’s very helpful. Nothing has gone wrong… ??❤️?❤️
Dear Malou, no…nothing has gone wrong at all. This period is altogether necessary in the undoing of the false self and its addiction to self-sabotage and pain. Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. Big Love <3
Im so grateful to have listened to this, until recently ive been studying the course basically alone..looking forward to the classes
Pauline
Welcome to the Family, Pauline!